I can't stop thinking about him. This him is not my boyfriend, but the other guy. I find myself thinking about him when I shouldn't. He isn't my "dude", he is someone else's man, and I'm someone else's girl. What is happening to me? I need to stop it, but I can't. I can't control the feelings. It's like the feelings are taking over me. The more I try to push them away, the more they pull me back. I hope that I am not leading down a path to destruction, and things start to happen. God forbid things get out and the rumors start, I don't think that I could take it. I hope in the end I make the right decision

Mixed Signals

I've been really confused lately. I have been talking to a friend for the past week in a half like non stop through texts, and sometimes even on the phone. I get this weird feeling when I talk to him. I don't really know how to explain it. I don't know if its the feeling of like or lust. I have a boyfriend who I love and adore so much, but there is something about this other guy that attracts me to him. We can sit and talk for hours about anything. It's like he brings some type of calmness to me. When we hang out we don't even have to say anything, us just being in each others company says it all. I find myself being utterly confused at times because I know that I shouldn't have these feelings that I have for him. We have came to the conclusion that we care a lot for each other than we both thought we did. It's like we both like each other but we know we could never be more than just friends because he has a girl, and I have a man. Yet at the end of the day I realize everyday our feelings for each other get stronger and stronger, I hope that I don't "bite off more than I can chew."

After the two most disappointing moments of the week, it seemed like nothing could get any better. Death in the family was the next thing to happen. What else could possibly go wrong? As soon as I was willing to deal and cope with things, my grandmother gets mad at me for absolutely no reason and I'm sick of it.I can't do it anymore. I thought that if I got accepted into Towson University that it would all be over. Luckily for me that won't be the case next year. I will be back down UB, and living home dealing with her. I think my best bet is to move, thats my only other alternative.

Hectic Days

Things have been very hectic these past couple of weeks, most recently the last couple of days. Last week I learned that my hopes of getting into Towson University was shot when I received my decision letter explaining to me why I wasn't accepted. I couldn't believe what I had read. I was for sure that I was going to get in since I had shown improvement since my Senior year of High School. To my dismay, I hadn't done enough. Besides my disappointment from Towson, work wasn't going well as I expected it to. Between going to school and coming home and going right to work was taking a toll on me. I always dreamed of the day that a job would come through for me, just not this particular one, but money is money and I needed it. Only did I know there was more in store for me that I didn't know if I could bear it.

And I Really Thought Dance Recitals Were Boring....

Last Friday, I had the honor of attending Towson's "Innovations" Dance Concert. I was dragged along with my boyfriend Kary to go and see the concert. He has to write a paper about two dance recitals he has to actually go and see. I have been to many dance recitals before and found them pretty boring, but never have I been to one and actually enjoyed it. The way that the dancers moved was very beautiful, and so graceful. I could tell that they had been dancing for a long time. There is a huge difference between people who have been dancing all their lives, and people who have not been dancing very long. I was intrigued by the recitals. There was some modern, blues, and African dance acts. I can say that I would like to go to more dance recitals, like the one I went to at Towson. I don' think that ballet recitals will be in that agenda though.

Things are Finally Looking Up!

Last week, I had a couple of great things to happen to me. I recieved an excellent grade on my research paper, I was on the verge of starting training for my new job with the census, I learned some interesting things that I didn't know about a great friend in my life, and Towson finally found my transcripts so I should be getting a decision letter any day now.
I started my training last Saturday. It was a pretty relaxing training day, kind of long and boring, but relaxing as well. I was pretty excited to be starting my new job with the Census Bureau. During the past week I have been talking to one of my friends that I have known for a couple of years now, and I found out that he wants to be more than friends with me, and that he has liked me for a long time. The bad thing is I am happily in a relationship with my boyfriend, and even though he has a girlfriend, and yet he has these feelings. I can't say that I don't like him, but I don't want to jeopardize my relationship either. I have to deal with this some way some how because I have to see him every Sunday in church,and it would just be too weird. I have a lot of thinking to do.
Towson has finally found my high school transcripts!!!! I am so happy. I have been going through so much with trying to transfer next year with this school is not even funny. Now all I have to do is wait on my decision letter to be mailed and hope for the best. Things are really looking up for me now, and I hope new things continue to arise.

Summer's Birthday

Today was my little cousin Summer 1st birthday party. She turned 1 on March 31st. I share a special bond with her because I was in the delivery room when she was born. The night before I stayed the night over a friend's house so I had to come home and freshen up for the party. The place was a little ways from my house so my grandmother, my brothers, and I had to leave early in order to get there on time. Her party was to be held at "My Gym" in Owings Mills, Maryland. We were the first to arrive. She had a lot of people come out to support her. There were little babies and children running around everywhere. I didn't have as much fun as I normally have at my younger cousins' parties because the place was actually designed for babies and young children. But I did enjoy myself. After the party we went back to Summer's grandmother's house for a little get together. We sat around and open Summer's birthday gifts to see what she had received. Granny made a big tray of lasanga for everyone. Summer and I played, and everyone had a good time. My grandmother decided to leave so that we could get ready for church the next morning. I got home, got my clothes together, and relaxed until I went to sleep.