I can't stop thinking about him. This him is not my boyfriend, but the other guy. I find myself thinking about him when I shouldn't. He isn't my "dude", he is someone else's man, and I'm someone else's girl. What is happening to me? I need to stop it, but I can't. I can't control the feelings. It's like the feelings are taking over me. The more I try to push them away, the more they pull me back. I hope that I am not leading down a path to destruction, and things start to happen. God forbid things get out and the rumors start, I don't think that I could take it. I hope in the end I make the right decision

Mixed Signals

I've been really confused lately. I have been talking to a friend for the past week in a half like non stop through texts, and sometimes even on the phone. I get this weird feeling when I talk to him. I don't really know how to explain it. I don't know if its the feeling of like or lust. I have a boyfriend who I love and adore so much, but there is something about this other guy that attracts me to him. We can sit and talk for hours about anything. It's like he brings some type of calmness to me. When we hang out we don't even have to say anything, us just being in each others company says it all. I find myself being utterly confused at times because I know that I shouldn't have these feelings that I have for him. We have came to the conclusion that we care a lot for each other than we both thought we did. It's like we both like each other but we know we could never be more than just friends because he has a girl, and I have a man. Yet at the end of the day I realize everyday our feelings for each other get stronger and stronger, I hope that I don't "bite off more than I can chew."

After the two most disappointing moments of the week, it seemed like nothing could get any better. Death in the family was the next thing to happen. What else could possibly go wrong? As soon as I was willing to deal and cope with things, my grandmother gets mad at me for absolutely no reason and I'm sick of it.I can't do it anymore. I thought that if I got accepted into Towson University that it would all be over. Luckily for me that won't be the case next year. I will be back down UB, and living home dealing with her. I think my best bet is to move, thats my only other alternative.

Hectic Days

Things have been very hectic these past couple of weeks, most recently the last couple of days. Last week I learned that my hopes of getting into Towson University was shot when I received my decision letter explaining to me why I wasn't accepted. I couldn't believe what I had read. I was for sure that I was going to get in since I had shown improvement since my Senior year of High School. To my dismay, I hadn't done enough. Besides my disappointment from Towson, work wasn't going well as I expected it to. Between going to school and coming home and going right to work was taking a toll on me. I always dreamed of the day that a job would come through for me, just not this particular one, but money is money and I needed it. Only did I know there was more in store for me that I didn't know if I could bear it.

And I Really Thought Dance Recitals Were Boring....

Last Friday, I had the honor of attending Towson's "Innovations" Dance Concert. I was dragged along with my boyfriend Kary to go and see the concert. He has to write a paper about two dance recitals he has to actually go and see. I have been to many dance recitals before and found them pretty boring, but never have I been to one and actually enjoyed it. The way that the dancers moved was very beautiful, and so graceful. I could tell that they had been dancing for a long time. There is a huge difference between people who have been dancing all their lives, and people who have not been dancing very long. I was intrigued by the recitals. There was some modern, blues, and African dance acts. I can say that I would like to go to more dance recitals, like the one I went to at Towson. I don' think that ballet recitals will be in that agenda though.

Things are Finally Looking Up!

Last week, I had a couple of great things to happen to me. I recieved an excellent grade on my research paper, I was on the verge of starting training for my new job with the census, I learned some interesting things that I didn't know about a great friend in my life, and Towson finally found my transcripts so I should be getting a decision letter any day now.
I started my training last Saturday. It was a pretty relaxing training day, kind of long and boring, but relaxing as well. I was pretty excited to be starting my new job with the Census Bureau. During the past week I have been talking to one of my friends that I have known for a couple of years now, and I found out that he wants to be more than friends with me, and that he has liked me for a long time. The bad thing is I am happily in a relationship with my boyfriend, and even though he has a girlfriend, and yet he has these feelings. I can't say that I don't like him, but I don't want to jeopardize my relationship either. I have to deal with this some way some how because I have to see him every Sunday in church,and it would just be too weird. I have a lot of thinking to do.
Towson has finally found my high school transcripts!!!! I am so happy. I have been going through so much with trying to transfer next year with this school is not even funny. Now all I have to do is wait on my decision letter to be mailed and hope for the best. Things are really looking up for me now, and I hope new things continue to arise.

Summer's Birthday

Today was my little cousin Summer 1st birthday party. She turned 1 on March 31st. I share a special bond with her because I was in the delivery room when she was born. The night before I stayed the night over a friend's house so I had to come home and freshen up for the party. The place was a little ways from my house so my grandmother, my brothers, and I had to leave early in order to get there on time. Her party was to be held at "My Gym" in Owings Mills, Maryland. We were the first to arrive. She had a lot of people come out to support her. There were little babies and children running around everywhere. I didn't have as much fun as I normally have at my younger cousins' parties because the place was actually designed for babies and young children. But I did enjoy myself. After the party we went back to Summer's grandmother's house for a little get together. We sat around and open Summer's birthday gifts to see what she had received. Granny made a big tray of lasanga for everyone. Summer and I played, and everyone had a good time. My grandmother decided to leave so that we could get ready for church the next morning. I got home, got my clothes together, and relaxed until I went to sleep.

Easter Sunday

Easter Sunday!!!!It was such a wonderful day. The sun was out, and it was so beautiful. I don't think anyone could have asked for a better day. I had plans after church to go to dinner at Red Lobster, and then to the movies to see Tyler Perry's: "Why Did I Get Married Too?", but things didn't go totally as planned. I left church to go to my mom's house just like any other Sunday. I stayed there longer than I had planned. After leaving there I had to go and pick up my boyfriend from his house. When I got there I was delayed because he was trying to do something for his mom. When we left we both decided not to go to dinner this weekend but next weekend. We found out the movie times and agreed to go to the 8:10 movie. We would go get the tickets and walk arounf The Avenue until we wanted to go and to seat for the movie. The movie was so good but at the same time I didn't like certain parts of it, and the ending of the movie. After leaving the theater, my next destination was to drop Kary off at his dorm. I dropped him off and went home. It was a wondeful day.

V-Day Weekend Part 3

The day was finally here....VALENTINE'S DAY!!! My day started off pretty good. Church was cancelled because of the snow. I got to sleep in late from my staying out late the night before. I had plans to go out with my boyfriend to a comedy show later that evening. Every thing seemed to be going right until he called and said that we had to find something else to do. I thought about the school going to the aquarium that evening. Everything was set until my grandmother tried to start with some bull for no reason. Either way I wasn't going to let her ruin my weekend again.

I dressed, and did some homework. Around 5:00 p.m. I left my house, destination, Kary's house. When I got there we decided that we would leave in a half hour to get to the aquarium at a good time to find parking. After a while sitting there we decided that we didn't want to go. We had been out the night before and we were both tired. We watched television and enjoyed each other's company. I took him back to his dorm, and went home. This had to be one of the best Valentine's Day ever!

Valentine's Weekend Part 2

Saturday February 13, 2010 had to be one of the best and the worse moment of my life, all in the same day. It all started early Saturday morning, I was doing my chores so that I could go out with my boyfriend Kary later that day. Me and my grandmother got into a huge argument about the internet not working. I don't even understand why we were even having the argument in the first place because I had fixed the internet on the computer already. Either way my grandmother was mad because she was wrong and I was right and she just wouldn't admit it. That's one thing about her that will never change, she knows everything about everything, and has to be right about everything. Well this time I was not going to let her win because she wasn't right. Well she got preety upset because I wouldn't drop the issue, but neither was she. Instead of her dropping the subject too, she told me to leave her alone before she said something she would regret. Note I wasn't saying anything to her anymore, she was still talking. I said one thing and she said " Go to hell Courtney, go straight to hell!" That was all she said to me for the rest of the day. Unless it was necessary or she had to speak to me, she didn't say not one word to me. I couldn't wait for Kary to get off work so that he could come and get me. When he came, he suprised me with a pair of shoes from bakers as my Valentine's Day present. After I finished getting dressed, we left to go to dinner at Red Lobster.
When we got there it was so crowded, which we knew it was going to be since it was Valentine's weekend. The wait was 65 minutes. After a long wait, we were finally seated. We talked about how my life was at home, and what I planned to do about the situation. Hopefully I get accepted to Towson University and I will be transferring and living on campus away from home. The good thing about it is that I have a lot of friends who go there, and also my boyfriend. Things would be a lot different and a lot better.
After dinner we went to the movies to see the new movie Valentine's Day. It was a really good movie. After a wonderful night, Kary took me home. I got ready for church and awaited the next day to come.

Valentine's Weekend

Last weekend was seriously a crazy weekend indeed. It was happy, sad, and crazy! It all started on Friday once all of the roads were mostly clear from the snow. I picked up my boyfriend so that we could hang out for a bit. Later that night my grandmother wanted me to take my little brother with me to take my boyfriend home. I got upset because not only am I not a child anymore, but I my brother had spent basically the whole time with boyfriend and me, so I wanted those some odd minutes that I had to take my boyfriend home to spend time with him by myself. To make my grandmother happy and to avoid all confusion, I took my brother Corey with me. When I got home I went to bed, awaiting what was in store for me the next day.

I wish the snow would go away...

I wish the snow would just come and go. It has been nice being stuck in the house for the past couple of days, but enough is enough. I am tired of being stuck in the house looking at the same people. It was fun while it lasted. Today was the last straw. We were all playing spades as a family, until my grandmother wanted to start complaining and being a bitch about everything. So what I called my brother, her teammates' hand wrong. Everything went downhill from there. She starting catching an attitude because my older brother wanted to do a fancy cut. So she thought we was trying to take advantage of my younger brother, who had just started learning spades the day before. So he wanted me to cut again and I told him no because we had already cut the cards twice already. My grandmother then got angrier and took the cards and cut them herself. So me being the smart ass that I am asked her why did we need to cut the cards again when I had cut them once and Robert had cut them again? She decided not to answer me. So I kept stating the question until she got mad and told me that she did not have to answer my question. She went off trying to say that I was showing off for my boyfriend who I was skyping on the computer with on the web cam, and specifically waited until he was off and she called him a little bitch. Like was that called for? There was no need to bring him into the problems that we were having. She felt as though I was showing off for him. Little does she know I don't have to show off for anybody. If someone was doing or saying things I didn't like, I am not just going to sit there and take it, I'm going to take up for myself. So now I am in my room away from everyone, about to attempt to get out of here just for a little while.

2010 Blizzard

This has been a long weekend.Friday was just a regular typical day at first. I got up early in the morning because I had an eye doctor appointment. I am offically four eyes now. I tried to rush back home before the terrible snow storm that the news was calling for came.I couldn't get home as fast as I wanted to because my eyes were still dialated. When I got home I took a nap. When I woke up I just watched television, and had a relaxing day.

Exercise 1.1

After reading about the experiences, I felt that they reveals the many ways and feelings of writing. I know there are times that I am not going to like writing about something all the time,and I am not going to enjoy what I have to write about, but I have to do it. Then there will be times that I like the topic I have to write about, and everything will come so freely and I will enjoy writing it. I know that through personal experiences, I have trouble writing about topics that I don't find interesting, or I am not enthused about it. I find it easier to write when my mind is clear, and so free of everything else around me. I believe that some kinds of writing are easier than others especially that I know I am not a creative writer. Sometimes my ideas don't come right away, and I have a hard time trying to find my ideas. When I write I try not to worry about grammar, and spelling at first. I try to get all my ideas down first, and organize them. When I finish with my ideas then I worry about my grammar and spelling. I would like to think that my readers understand. I try to write so that others can understand me.

Journal Entry 01/29/10

01/29/10

Since Saturday, I have had this skin rash. It had started as a little sore, and has grown into a bigger one. I called my doctor to get an appointment. I had to go throughout the day with the rash irritating me. When I finally got home from school, I went straight to completing my homework assignments. After completing my homework I noticed that my rash had started to spread and swell. I went to the Emergency Room to see if they could explain to me what was causing this rash, and I could do to get rid of it. The doctors at the Emergency Room couldn't even tell me what the rash was. I arrived home about 12:00. The doctor gave me ointment, gauze, and a few prescriptions to take. I was hoping that in the morning I could get in touch with my doctor for an earlier appointment than Friday. When I woke up Wednesday morning, I called my primary doctor. I had an appointment for later that evening. Come to find out I have a skin rash called infantigo. It is a rash from bacteria of the skin. I have never heard of this ever. I was just glad that I could find out what was going on with me. Now that I have medicine it has healed a great deal, and I feel so much better!