I can't stop thinking about him. This him is not my boyfriend, but the other guy. I find myself thinking about him when I shouldn't. He isn't my "dude", he is someone else's man, and I'm someone else's girl. What is happening to me? I need to stop it, but I can't. I can't control the feelings. It's like the feelings are taking over me. The more I try to push them away, the more they pull me back. I hope that I am not leading down a path to destruction, and things start to happen. God forbid things get out and the rumors start, I don't think that I could take it. I hope in the end I make the right decision

Mixed Signals

I've been really confused lately. I have been talking to a friend for the past week in a half like non stop through texts, and sometimes even on the phone. I get this weird feeling when I talk to him. I don't really know how to explain it. I don't know if its the feeling of like or lust. I have a boyfriend who I love and adore so much, but there is something about this other guy that attracts me to him. We can sit and talk for hours about anything. It's like he brings some type of calmness to me. When we hang out we don't even have to say anything, us just being in each others company says it all. I find myself being utterly confused at times because I know that I shouldn't have these feelings that I have for him. We have came to the conclusion that we care a lot for each other than we both thought we did. It's like we both like each other but we know we could never be more than just friends because he has a girl, and I have a man. Yet at the end of the day I realize everyday our feelings for each other get stronger and stronger, I hope that I don't "bite off more than I can chew."

After the two most disappointing moments of the week, it seemed like nothing could get any better. Death in the family was the next thing to happen. What else could possibly go wrong? As soon as I was willing to deal and cope with things, my grandmother gets mad at me for absolutely no reason and I'm sick of it.I can't do it anymore. I thought that if I got accepted into Towson University that it would all be over. Luckily for me that won't be the case next year. I will be back down UB, and living home dealing with her. I think my best bet is to move, thats my only other alternative.

Hectic Days

Things have been very hectic these past couple of weeks, most recently the last couple of days. Last week I learned that my hopes of getting into Towson University was shot when I received my decision letter explaining to me why I wasn't accepted. I couldn't believe what I had read. I was for sure that I was going to get in since I had shown improvement since my Senior year of High School. To my dismay, I hadn't done enough. Besides my disappointment from Towson, work wasn't going well as I expected it to. Between going to school and coming home and going right to work was taking a toll on me. I always dreamed of the day that a job would come through for me, just not this particular one, but money is money and I needed it. Only did I know there was more in store for me that I didn't know if I could bear it.